The dating website that I've joined is called PlentyofFish.com. Unlike so many other dating websites, it's actually free, you can email whoever you want and you don't have to pay to view someone's profile or to be able to view any messages you've been sent.
I've joined it in a bid to inspire two close friends to follow suit. Gabriel* has recently come out of a nine-year relationship, having been with the same girl since the age of 18, and having married her two years ago only to find out last year that she'd been having an affair with another teacher from her school. He's only been in two relationships in his entire life, and on both occasions, the girls came after him. Striking out on his own and trying to pursue a girl at work has ended in a semi-disaster: after cultivating a friendship for three months and treating her to dinner at an expensive restaurant, he thought things were going really well, when over dinner she told him she was in love with her housemate. What do you say to that?
"Women are unfathomable", he complained. Not really, I thought. Either she was too dense to realise that she was being courted - and being treated to a romantic dinner for two is a bit of a giveaway - in which case he wouldn't want to go out with someone that thick anyway, or she guessed his intentions, and that was her way of warning him off gently.
Clarice*, aged 28, has never been in a relationship due to her running away screaming whenever a member of the male species expresses any interest in her. Yet she does want a family and children, and you can't make an omlette without breaking eggs and all that, so I encouraged her to start somewhere. "You don't have to jump in the deep end. In fact, this is more like just dipping your toe in the pool. You don't have to respond to any messages, or if you do, you're under no obligation to meet up with anyone. And even if you agree to meet up and then get cold feet, you can always cancel and never speak to that person again."
As for me, I like having access to a wider gene pool, having the opportunity to interact with people that I wouldn't otherwise meet. A bit of a cynic, I'm tickled by people who put down that they want to meet a soulmate or the love of their life. Dare to dream, cyber seekers!
I've been on dating sites before, with humorous and mixed results. One time, I went on a date with someone who vaguely looked like one of my exes in the photo - big mistake! - only for him to tell me on the phone before the date that he was jilted at the altar by his fiancee seven years ago and not dating since. That made him sound really desirable and a great catch. Still, I turned up in Birmingham, since I'd agreed to meet him. My train was late and when I asked him if he'd been waiting long, he responded without a trace of irony: "All my life."
The rest of the evening progressed in a similar vein. He presented me with a piece of soap as a present, saying that he was walking around the market, saw the soap stall and thought of me. To give him some credit, it was the kind of rough chunk you'd get at Lush rather than a plain ol' bar of soap. Some men give flowers, other men give soap. We walked around aimlessly before setting on a mediocre Chinese restaurant. Loquacious as I am, I couldn't get a word in as Delroy talked about himself, each sentence culminating in a nervous giggle. I began to shudder each time he giggled.
You know those trays of airplane food that you get on a decent airline? All neatly presented and all? I briefly wondered who put them together but didn't have to wonder for long, because Delroy informed me that that's what he did for five years and proceeded to enlighten me about various aspects of his job in excruciating detail. At the end of the meal, we split the bill. Don't get me wrong: I'm a modern woman, happy to pay her way, but I think that if a guy invites a girl out for the first time, he should at least offer to pay for the whole meal, if only to give her the opportunity to refuse and insist on going halves. I shook the hand of my Darwinian dead end date, wished him luck, and never saw him again.
I'm expecting all this and more from PlentyofFish.
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