Foiled. Again.

I’ve had some bad news.

I’ve just learned that El Capitan is highly unlikely to be in Lima when I arrive there in June. My source tells me that he’s likely to be somewhere in the Amazon, on his way to Belém, Brazil, in order to try and catch a boat to Africa. It seems that his epic world journey is going ahead after all.

How can fate be so cruel?! Why can’t he hang around at least until I make an appearance?!

Worst of all, he knows.

Captain Carlos knows that I had a crush on him. How is a mystery to me, because I’m pretty sure I was completely subtle and have done absolutely nothing to give away my feelings two years ago. It must’ve been one of my horrid horrid friends who’d let the cat out of the bag (Pedrito!). Otherwise why would he be commenting on me and the unfortunate state of my heart to Hermes*? Why would he be saying things like, “she’s a really nice person”? Being described as ‘perfectly nice’ is the death knell of any budding relationship because there's usually a ‘but’ that follows that particular combination of words. Ugh!

The ‘but’ in this case is: “I’m sure Anita would be perfectly happy but I normally go for women my own age.” So now I, practically thirty, which is practically middle-aged, am also too young? Ha! So he’s fifty three - that makes him a spring chicken compared to a couple of my exes! What’s a twenty-five year difference when it comes to love? Or sex, to be more accurate in this particular case.

What the captain doesn’t realise is that this youthful vessel encases an old and worldly soul, so for all intents and purposes, I’m actually twenty-eight going on fifty. The relatively wrinkle-free body is a bonus. But how do I convince him of that? Damn my limited Spanish for not being able to bring across my wit, charm, worldliness and emotional maturity!

Oh god, he knows! I’ll never be able to look him in the eye! Literally, since I won’t get to see him on account of him not being in Lima. The one thing that makes me feel marginally better is that it didn’t work out with the rich American woman – that he preferred travelling alone to travelling with her. Aha, so material wealth and being in his age group isn’t everything! He really should keep an open mind. After all, I’m not exactly in a position to offer anyone a full-on stable relationship, so I wouldn’t be looking to tie him down or affect his travel plans. I wouldn’t say no to a bit of slap and tickle, though.

The captain’s got this idea of doing a blog while on the road and eventually turning it into a book. He figures that the story of a Peruvian naval captain travelling the world would make good reading. You know what would make even better reading? The story of a relentless young woman who’s incapable of taking a hint tracking a certain captain through the Amazon jungle and to the ends of the world!

Alas, I have prior work commitments and will have to be satisfied with vague promises to meet in the Crimea or Uzbekistan or something in, like, 2017, so that he can make use of my language skills. Sigh.

To top it off, cruel Hermes* won’t give me the captain’s email address for at least a week so now I’m unable to even sit for hours in front of my computer, agonising over what to say when I finally pen my email.

Woe is me. I shall go away now to lament my sorry existence.