Captain Carlos returns to torment me.

Captain Carlos is once again brought to my attention. I’ve had a recent cyberchat with Hermes* about the elusive captain, and I’ve been agonising over how best to present this as a blog entry. I’ve decided that it may be quite fun to leave it largely in its original form (with minor commentary from yours truly).


Hermes*: Dobroi nochi

Anna K: Buenas noches

Hermes*: Cecilia* and I had a conversation with the Capitán yesterday that even made me blush (It actually doesn’t take that much to make Hermes* blush, to be fair)

Anna K: Really!! What about, pray tell?

Hermes*: he was describing in quite graphic detail his preferences in bed

Anna K: what does he prefer?

Hermes*: his tastes are nothing perverted, but he is certainly experimental (Details! I need details!)

Anna K: You're giving nothing away here! How did you get onto that topic? And can you keep him in Lima until late June?

Hermes*: he was telling us that as he gets older, he shags for longer - 4 hours is his record (Be still, my beating heart.)

Anna K: Am having heart palpitations here!!

Hermes*: I don´t really know how we got onto the subject - it was like a "recommendations" session where Carlos told us exactly what we had to take advantage of while we are still young

Anna K: It seems he still takes advantage of things, young or not!

Hermes*: he mentioned that he really loves giving head to women (Oh, my.)

Anna K: Come to mama!

Hermes*: absolutely - at the moment he is chasing his 28 year old god-daughter

Anna K: So much for going for older women! Isn't it kind of incest if it's with your god daughter?

Hermes*: Probably

Anna K: So he does make exceptions for some younger women...The bugger still hasn't written to me! And now you're tormenting my libido!

Hermes*: He also said that he would have no problems being with a 13 year old girl, as long as she was sexually mature and in love. When I said he could go to jail, he said that he would relish the opportunity of standing up in court and arguing the morals of his actions (I bet he’s just playing devil’s advocate.)

Anna K: I'm mature! Oh pick me! Pick me!

Hermes*: Are you mature???

Anna K: I sure am! More mature than a hypothetical 13 year old, anyway!

Hermes*: Anyway, I thought you would like the story! Some thoughts to keep you warm at night.

Anna K: You torment me! When is he planning to leave? Will he not linger for another month or two?

Hermes*: I think he is looking for reasons to delay his departure - he is a bit scared to take the first step into the unknown

Anna K: GIVE HIM THOSE REASONS

Hermes*: how long do you need him to delay by?

Anna K: Oh, until June 24th or so. Possibly a few days earlier.

Hermes*: That´s not so long, i´ll see what I can do

Anna K: Thank you. It would also help if you were to embellish my best qualities and lay it on thick about how intelligent, funny and attractive I am.

Hermes*: I might

Hermes*: By the way, a while ago the Captain told me that I was cruel to torment you about him and asked me not to

Anna K: You ARE cruel, but I did enjoy hearing the above details. Now to use my feminine wiles on him...

Hermes*: I made a judgement call on that one - I reckon you are happier in the long run if you know things like that

Anna K: Good call.


What I don’t understand is why on earth the captain thinks I’m madly in love with him. I’m not. There’s treachery afoot, methinks. I do, however, think that he’s a very attractive man and I wouldn’t mind staying the night. I currently lead a monastic existence, but would be prepared to make an exception for Captain Carlos. Perhaps Hermes* can suggest to him that it’s in his best interest to wait for me to turn up because as someone well-travelled, I can give him good advice on planning his epic journey around the world.

Since I don’t know how to flirt, and subtlety is not my strongest suit, if he is in Lima when I get there, perhaps I should just say to him: “Please don’t be afraid. No matter what certain people may have been saying, I’m not in love with you. Nor do I wish to marry you, have a long-term relationship with you or tie you down in any way. I just want to go to bed with you.”

Too blunt? Too clinical? Too devoid of romance? I wonder what his response would be. After all, I’m not asking for much. Quisiera apprender hacer el amor en español and who better to teach me than El Capitán…